Walking in the shoes of an Addict.

Lenah’s story

Nothing compares to the chaos and turmoil of addiction. Drug addiction is a hungry beast and feeding this beast is a full time job because of the constant desperations to avoid withdrawals. Drug addiction took Lenah to depths that she still finds so hard to perceive to date. Growing up, this was a very selfless kid who would help everyone in need. She was always there for everyone or at least most people. Many people began taking advantage of her due to her naivety and so she started holding back and bottling up so many emotions.

While she can’t say with certainty why she ever abused drugs in the first place, Lenah still remembers every tiny detail of the first time she came into contact with cocaine. She was with a group of friends and one of them was a peddler. One day they decided to try it consoling themselves that it was only out of curiosity and that it was going to be just that once. When Lenah sniffed it, she felt something that she couldn’t explain. She felt different. She felt happier. She felt more attractive. She felt light, as if she had nothing to worry about in her whole life. She was more talkative and felt as if her friends suddenly loved her more. She loved the feeling. Little did she know that it was the beginning of a journey that would have a very difficult and rough terrain.

After the first time, a few days later, Lenah began to feel depressed. So she decided to try it again and this time the feeling was way better than the first. But each and every time she wasn’t under the influence of this drug, the depression effect came back twice or thrice as bad. The more the effect the more the consumption of this drug and within just a few weeks, although Lenah was in denial she had become a cocaine addict.

That is when her life changed.

She had just been admitted to a local university in Kenya and it wasn’t so long before she realized that she was sinking deeper and deeper in this ocean of addiction and could do absolutely nothing without the influence of cocaine. Even simple things like deciding what dress she was going to wear the next day or what meal she would like to have. She totally become dependent to this drug that she couldn’t function without it. From using cocaine once in a month to using it once in a week to using it once daily, Lenah graduated to using this drug more than once in a day. She could smoke more and still want more and more and more until it became like blood running through her veins, and you can’t live without blood. Can you?

Class attendance became a problem. Socialization became difficult. Staying indoors was the order of the day because going out was a very heavy task on her unless she was going to get a refill of what she loved most. Missing one cat to several cats and unsubmited assignments Lenah become truant and dropped out of school. None of her family members knew about it. As long as they were concerned, Lenah was in school getting an education. They continued sending her money for upkeep while in school not knowing they were actually funding her addiction to cocaine.  Lenah could sniff from morning to morning. Sleep escaped her eyes and all she could do was lie down like a log when she was done.

This drug which once made her feel good, stopped giving her that feeling. She didn’t feel happy anymore when she sniffed it. She didn’t feel as if she belonged. She stopped talking and despised people. When she started, she began using cocaine because it made her feel good but at that point in her life; she smoked because she couldn’t do without it. She was helpless without it. She hated how it made her feel to the point that life lost meaning to her. Lenah desired death whenever she found herself abusing cocaine and when she wasn’t abusing cocaine. It was so bad but she had no one to help her out of it and she didn’t know how to ask for help. “One last time. One very last time.” She often told herself over and over. Worse came to worst and her parents had to be called by one of her friends. 

In utter shock they both were very disappointed but one thing that struck Lenah to the core was her mother’s face. Whenever she remembers her mother’s face, she regrets ever having to fail that woman. Her mother’s face was full of anger, disappointment, sadness but above all, it was full of love – genuine love - and she will never forget. 

Lenah is clean now and today marks exactly two years since she stopped using cocaine and regained her life. She regrets ever making the decision to try out that drug but she is glad that she learnt. Though the hard way, having wasted more than three years of her life she is glad that she is finally free. Nowadays, Lenah is an outgoing person, whose soul shines so brightly though her eyes. Without hearing her story, you would never understand the struggles with addiction she had just to get to where she is today. 

Life is about learning and re-learning, making mistakes and correcting them, falling and rising again, gaining and loosing, pain and joy, addiction and liberty. She's at liberty now. Addiction is real and is the worst nightmare. But one thing I assure you is addicts aren’t bad people. They just need a stronger voice to tell them; "I’m rooting for you, you can make it and there is a better way to live."